A Promising Past
by Andrea O'Down
Summary: At Johnny's wedding Ash recalls the past that seems ages ago, back when she and Johnny grew closer, when she developped feelings for him, and when they could have had a promising future together.
1. Prologue

_Because most of the fans seem to be into Jash, I decided to give the pairing a try, and this fic is the result. ;) More Ash than Jash, I guess, or maybe not? Find out yourself! And have fun! ^^_ _Also, many thanks to Bookreader525 for her amazing beta-work! :)_

* * *

Ash is getting up like all the other animals do, watching the bride walking down the aisle. Like all the other animals, she smiles, but unlike all the other animals, she hopes that no one can see behind her act. Because she's wearing a mask, a mask of happiness, a mask of a smile. She only hopes her mask looks real enough and isn't cracking somehow. Because if there were any cracks, someone could see the sad face hiding behind that smile. The hurting face. The crying face.

Ash watches the bride's every move, and every step that brings her closer to the altar is a step on Ash's heart.

But then Ash sets eyes on Johnny waiting at the altar for his bride. And he looks so damn happy, grinning like an idiot, that Ash adds some extra layers to her mask. Just in case.

The thing is Ash even likes her. Well as much as she can like someone who is being closer to Johnny than she'll ever be. She can't even blame her for taking Johnny's heart. She only took a heart that was free, not knowing that Ash's own hand had been lingering over this heart for so long. For too long. It's not her fault. It's Ash's fault, and Ash's fault alone.

She had her chances, lots of them, actually. There was a time when she could have gotten as close to Johnny as this female walking down the aisle is now.

But all that counts now is seeing Johnny happy. Because when Johnny's happy, she can be happy, too. Or so she's trying to tell herself. It doesn't work, though. Never did. Because every time she sees Johnny talk about his girlfriend, then fiancée, now bride, and he gets that dreamy look on his face, it's another stab to Ash's heart. And the more it hurts, the more Ash smiles. She's gotten really good at it now. Johnny never became suspicious. Nor did anyone else.

It's Johnny that counts, though. It's always Johnny.

It always has been Johnny.

When the bride reaches the altar, reaches Johnny, he gives her that dreamy, loving, adorable look that it's almost too much for Ash to watch. It sends a burning flame right through her heart, making her feel like she's consumed by fire from the inside. She tries to breathe, but suddenly, there's this tightness around her chest and no matter how hard she wants to, no air is filling her lungs.

It just hurts.

She wonders if it'll catch someone's eye if she looked away now. It's just too much to handle, and she's afraid her mask might break in two once and for all, revealing her true face. She's afraid she might run away, crying and sobbing. And Ash realizes she can't do that. She can't ruin this for Johnny.

So she forces the corners of her mouth up a little more. And it hurts. A lot. But she ignores it.

 _Come on, Ash!_ she tells herself. _You can do this! For Johnny!_

So she forces the corners of her mouth even more up. And it still hurts. But she doesn't care.

However, almost breaking down like that brings back the memory of a time when she actually _did_ break down like that. A time that feels like ages ago.

The time when it all began...


	2. Chapter 1

_Again, many thanks to Bookreader525 for her awesome beta-work! You rock, girl!_

* * *

Ash can't hold back the tears any longer, she can't even sing anymore. So she just cries, not caring that the music is still playing in the background, still playing that stupid song. She doesn't care.

The moment Mr. Moon comes closer asking her what it is and if she doesn't like the dress, a new wave of pain washes over her body and she cries out loud. And because she's a porcupine and these things can happen when she's over-emotional, some of her quills shoot out. She hates when that happens. And what's even worse, some of them hit Mr. Moon. It makes her look up for a second, and then she just runs, runs off the stage, runs past Rosita and Meena giving her worried looks - Rosita even asks what's wrong - but Ash doesn't even stop.

She doesn't come far, though. Her vision is too blurry from all the tears, and really, where's she supposed to go? So she just settles down on a box, buries her face in her hands and cries.

Even over her own sobbing she can hear Mr. Moon call for Meena to help Ms. Crawly with the first aid-kit.

 _Way to go, Ash!_ she tells herself. _Breaking down like that on stage and then hurting your boss, yeah, that's for sure a way to make an impression!_

She wants to slap herself for that. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

Suddenly, she feels a hand on her shoulder and looks up into Rosita's face. The female pig hands her a handkerchief, and Ash realizes she has calmed down a bit. At least she's stopped sobbing, although there are still tears running down her cheeks. She takes the handkerchief and wipes over her face, collecting the tears that are still coming with it.

"May I?" Rosita asks and motions at the box.

Ash just nods, and the pig sits down next to her. She doesn't say anything, just sits there, and Ash doesn't know what it is about her presence, but pretty soon the last tears dry up. She remembers hearing that Rosita has twenty-five kids, so maybe that's a mom-thing?

She wipes the last tear away and wants to give the handkerchief back to Rosita, but she just shakes her head.

"Keep it."

"Okay," Ash replies. "Thanks."

The porcupine lowers her eyes to the floor. She doesn't know what to say. Is she supposed to tell Rosita what has happened? Or would it be wrong to reveal so much about herself to someone she doesn't even know?

"Rosita! What is wrong?" she hears someone call out, someone with a heavy German accent, and footsteps come closer. Gunter.

"We are up next, no?" he calls out.

Ash can feel some movement next to her and can only guess that Rosita made some sort of a gesture.

"Oh," Gunter mumbles, and the footsteps fall silent.

"Mind telling me what happened?" Rosita asks.

Ash takes a deep breath. Should she really do this? On the other hand, maybe talking would help a bit?

So she starts telling her story, talking about Lance and Becky and how Ash found them and kicked her boyf- no, her ex-boyfriend out. Going through all of this again threatens to bring the tears back, but Ash blows her nose which helps keeping it to a sniffle this time.

"Well, it sounds to me like you are way better off without that… that…," Rosita begins.

If Ash hadn't been so sad it would have made her laugh that Rosita doesn't seem to be able to find a proper name to call Lance. As far as Ash knows, moms don't swear around their kids, and when Rosita has twenty-five kids, that probably leads to not swearing at all.

Luckily, Gunter fills in.

"Total super-jerk dinkleschplatt!" he suggests.

It almost makes Ash laugh again because she has no idea what a dinkleschplatt might be.

However, Rosita agrees. "Exactly! That total super-jerk dinkleschplatt!"

How she almost stumbles over the _schplatt_ -part is another funny thing. Too bad, funny doesn't really work for Ash right now.

Then she and Gunter are called on stage by Mr. Moon. Obviously, the pulling out of Ash's quills from Mr. Moon's face took that long. It makes her cringe a bit.

 _Way to go, Ash!_

"Yeah, okay!" Rosita says, quickly grabbing her bag and handing it to Ash before she jumps down from the box. "Here! There should be some gum or some candy in there. Just help yourself."

Somehow, this makes Ash feel better a bit, and she smiles at the pig before she walks towards the stage.

Then the door bursts open and Johnny comes running in. Ash jumps a little at that. Johnny rushes over to Rosita and Ash hears Johnny ask about taking Rosita's place. Rosita is willing to give it to him - really, how can someone be that nice? Is she even _real?_ Ash wonders - but Gunter has already taken over the stage, so Rosita has no choice but to enter the stage, too. She apologizes to Johnny, of course, which makes Ash wonder even more how someone can be so nice.

Johnny, however, lets out a groan. Ash watches him for a moment, but when he looks into her direction, she quickly lowers her eyes. She's done enough talking for the moment. She can feel his eyes on her, though. Must be because she's such a mess, Ash decides, refusing to let any other explanation form in her head. Instead, she digs into Rosita's bag and finds some gum. She can't remember when it was the last time she had gum. She used to like gum when she was a kid, though, so she pops it into her mouth. It tastes as sweet as she remembers. Chewing her gum, Ash allows herself to look up again. Her eyes fall on Johnny, pacing up and down.

Boy, he must be nervous, she thinks. Maybe that was the reason he burst in here like that before and wanted to take Rosita's place. Because he wanted it to be over with.

She draws her eyes away from Johnny and looks at Meena who has returned backstage and is now starting the music for Gunter and Rosita.

Ash can hear Rosita singing, but then suddenly, there's a cry and a thump, and it doesn't sound good. Not at all. She even turns her head, trying to figure out what happened on stage, but somehow she can't get herself to move away from her place.

Then Johnny is called on stage and he pushes the piano out there so quickly, that for a moment, Ash is afraid he might push it so hard that it'd roll off the stage and bury Mr. Moon under it. The thought worries her and makes her giggle a bit at the same time, because Mr. Moon has been through enough physical pain today with her quill-attack, but on the other hand, being buried under a piano is _way_ worse than being hit by some quills, so yeah, there's that.

The giggle almost turns into a laugh at that point, but then Rosita and Gunter come backstage again, Rosita rubbing her snout and Gunter telling her about showing the fire and desire.

Ash doesn't know what exactly has happened on stage, but she of course has realized that Rosita has some trouble with the dancing part of her and Gunter's routine. Putting two and two together, Ash is sure that Rosita must have fallen down on stage. This is bad.

Gunter is trying really hard to cheer her up by dancing around her, but Rosita barely notices.

"The fire went out a long time ago," she says, rubbing her snout a bit more.

It makes Gunter stop and look at her. "What?"

"Look, I can't even keep count of the steps!" Rosita calls out.

Ash looks at her for a moment. She looks so troubled and desperate that it hurts Ash.

"Ugh, counting-schmounting!" Gunter calls out, making Ash turn her attention towards him again. "She sings too much with her head, right?"

He looks around for some approval, and Ash has to admit, he has a point. She looks back at Rosita who looks just as troubled and desperate as before. Ash tries of a way of making her snap out of it, so she lets a gum bubble bursts and nods with a smile. Gunter is right. Steps are fine and all, but it's more important to feel the music.

Gunter agrees before he tells Rosita that she should let the music take control of her body parts. He adds some moves to emphasize his words. Well, this pig for sure knows a thing or two about dancing, Ash thinks, hoping that he can bring his point across to Rosita.

But Rosita still looks troubled. And what worries Ash even more is that Rosita now looks sad, too.

"My body parts are not responding, it's never gonna happen," the pig says before she takes her bag from the box where Ash is sitting.

"I should just be getting groceries," Rosita says as she turns around and leaves.

No, that's even worse, Ash decides as she jumps down from the box calling after Rosita, but the female pig is already gone.

* * *

All her way home Ash is trying to figure out what to do. She's truly worried that Rosita would leave the competition. Of course, she shouldn't be worried. This would mean one competitor less, but Ash likes Rosita and she doesn't want her to give up.

Ash herself, on the other hand…

Well, should she stay in the competition? After her breakdown on stage this thought somehow made it to Ash's brain. The reason she entered the competition in the first place had been to win the prize money and build a recording studio with Lance. And that option is gone now together with Lance. Winning the money still wouldn't hurt, of course, but Ash is still feeling so hurt and sad she isn't sure if she can actually stay in the competition.

For pete's sake, she's supposed to sing in front of Nana Noodleman tomorrow! And she totally messed up the rehearsal today!

On the other hand, so did the rest. Except for Mike who actually did a good job on his song. But Rosita landed flat on her face on stage, while Johnny's singing had been perfect, his piano playing had been so very bad that even backstage it made Ash flinch a little. So Ash still has a chance, but the question is, does she want this chance? She isn't so sure about that.

As she enters the apartment, she's hit by her memories again, and she has to sit down on the floor and cry for a bit until the worst pain is over.

The apartment is empty now. There's no Lance anymore, and that's good. It's good that she kicked that cheater out, it really is!

Then why does it still hurt so much? Ash wonders, and of course, she knows the answer to that. She just doesn't like it.

She still has feelings for him. All the years they've been together? They can't be wiped out just like that. All the dreams they shared? They can't be forgotten from one moment to another.

Ash places a hand over her heart that feels like it's about to burst into a million pieces. She tries to take a deep breath to soothe herself, but the tightness in her throat only allows her to take some shallow breaths. They help, too, just not as much.

She manages to pick herself up from the floor and enter the living room. She looks around the room, and it looks like Lance still lives here. The slight mess on the coffee table Ash hadn't been able to clean up last night is still there. Ash hadn't been able to do anything last night, anything, but crying. So she settles for cleaning up that mess first. Once it's gone she feels a tiny bit better, but the room still has Lance written all over it. Heck, the whole apartment still has Lance written all over it!

But if cleaning up such a little mess that Lance left did help, maybe doing more than that would help as well?

With that thought, Ash starts picking up Lance's things from the living room and his clothes from the bedroom and puts them into boxes. It doesn't take her that long. Lance doesn't own that much stuff. Doesn't go with his artist-image to own a lot of things. Looking at the boxes, Ash for a moment thinks of just setting them on fire. Fire is said to have a cleansing effect, so maybe fire can ease the pain. Maybe it can set her free again, free from Lance.

But starting a fire in an apartment might not be the best idea. There must be another way to set her free. So Ash pushes the boxes into the farthest corner of the living room and places a blanket over them. Far from eye far from heart.

But still, that's not enough. So Ash moves her activities to the kitchen and goes through the cabinets, drawers, and the fridge, and takes out all the food and drinks that were meant for Lance. His _soul-food_ , how he calls it. To Ash, all these nachos and popcorn and sodas are just junk food. She puts all this unhealthy stuff into garbage bags.

She's about to pick them up and throw them out when she remembers something.

She didn't look into the cabinet where they keep their dishes. The dishes have always been for both of them, so none of that screamed _Lance!_ into her face. Except for one thing, that is. And Ash is glad she thought of it just in time. She opens the cabinet and takes out a mug. It's a blue mug, but that's not the annoying thing about it. What's annoying is what's written on the mug. _Artist._ It's Lance's.

Ash thinks what to do with it now. She could just throw it into one of the garbage bags or she could put it into one of the boxes. It belongs to Lance after all. But this stupid thing annoys her so very much, neither of these two options seems appropriate. So Ash grabs the handle a bit tighter, raises her hand over her head and tosses the mug to the floor with all her strength. The cracking sound it makes when it hits the floor isn't as loud as Ash imagined it to be. It sounds more like a little protesting moan before the mug breaks into pieces.

Ash looks down at the shards at her feet and lets out a relieved sigh. She takes it in for a bit longer before she leaves to get a dustpan and brush. Even sweeping up the place and throwing the shards into the garbage bags makes her feel better. She then picks up the bags and leaves the apartment to throw them into the trash can.

When she comes back, Ash can't help but notice that she's feeling better. However, there's still some room for improvement.

The porcupine wrecks her brain for something she can do. If getting Lance's stuff out of her sight helped, there must be something else she can do. So Ash goes over her own things now, throwing out each and every gift she ever received from Lance. Which isn't much either. Lance never had the money to buy her a lot of gifts.

Her next and last stop is her collection of photographs. She takes each and every one that shows Lance or her and Lance together and tears it apart. She lets the torn photographs sink to the floor. They can stay there for now. As much as she wants to get rid of anything that screams _Lance!_ into her face, she can deal with these photos featuring a torn Lance. It's some sort of a reminder. And it makes her feel better.

Yes, she feels a lot better now, but as she sits down on the couch, she doesn't know what to do next. She could watch TV, but she doesn't feel like it. She could read something, but she doesn't want that either. Maybe she should play her guitar. That always helps. As she gets up to fetch her guitar, Ash thinks of what songs to play. Somehow, nothing seems right.

 _I'm just saying, not everyone can write songs, okay?_

As much as Lance's words annoyed her back then, as much as they annoy her right now, Ash has to admit that he has a point.

Not everyone can write songs. _She_ can.

And with a determined nod she leaves the living room to get her laptop.


	3. Chapter 2

_As always, many thanks to Bookreader525 for her amazing beta-work! ^^_

* * *

Ash sings the last tunes, playing the accompanying chords on her guitar. She likes how it sounds. Well, she liked how it sounded last night at her apartment, too, but singing it in the rehearsal room is different. It was a test, and her song passed.

Yes, _her_ song, her very own song!

She spent all night working on it, getting the words right, finding the perfect melody. And she succeeded! She has no idea if it actually is good, but she thinks she did an okay job.

She looks over to the door of her rehearsal room, realizing just now that it has been opened and Mr. Moon stands there, holding a clipboard and a pen and looking at her.

"Wow, you wrote that?" he asks, looking at her with a raised brow, pointing at her with his pen.

Ash can't really place the look on his face. She doesn't even know if that was the good or bad kind of _wow_.

"Uh, yeah," she says, her eyes avoiding him for a second before she forces them to look back at him. "Do you like it?"

"Are you kidding?" the koala replies, his face suddenly lighting up with a little laugh. "It's fantastic! You gotta sing that today!"

And then he rushes off, probably preparing something for the big show for Nana Noodleman later.

Relief washes over Ash. Her song is good! No, it's _fantastic!_ He even wants her to sing it in front of Nana Noodleman today, so it has to be amazing!

The thought makes Ash's heart beat a little faster with joy and a smile spreads across her face. She's in such a good mood, it doesn't even bother her to put on that stupid dress Mr. Moon picked out for her days ago. She still hates it, but she couldn't care less. She is going to sing her own song today, so really, what does the dress matter?

She simply flies out of her rehearsal room, looking forward to her performance.

She is going to sing her song, her own song! Ha!

* * *

 _Crap!_ Ash thinks as the massive wave of water grabs her and carries her off.

Her good mood went from annoyance and desperation when she found out the truth of the prize money - as in non-existent prize money - to absolute survival instinct when the water tank broke. Still, she couldn't get away fast enough. None of them did.

Ash tries to reach for something to hold on to, but fails. She's carried into the foyer, the moving mass of water making it harder and harder for her to keep her head over water. And then the water rises, higher and higher until it reaches the ceiling of the foyer, forcing Ash under water in the process.

 _No, no, no, no, no!_ Ash thinks. _I don't want to die here! And even more importantly, I don't want to die in this stupid dress!_

Suddenly, the water moves faster, and Ash can get her head over water again, quickly grabbing at some wooden plank before she's swept out onto the street. Some debris stop her and she's buried under the wooden plank that probably was a desk before and other junk.

She takes a moment to take in a few deep breaths before she forces herself to sit up with a moan, making the wooden plank and the junk fall from her body. She feels a bit dizzy and her hand moves to her temple where a murderous headache is starting to build.

"Is everyone okay?" she hears Mr. Moon ask, but doesn't have the energy to reply. She can't even keep her eyes open.

Suddenly, an arm wraps around her and a hand takes hers, helping her to her feet. She doesn't even know who it is, she only knows it feels nice. And okay. And right.

But she at least has to look at her helper and forces her eyes open, although it leads to a blaze of pain in her head.

The pain is dampened a bit by the concerned and worried brown eyes she looks into. Johnny's eyes. And no matter how concerned and worried he looks at her, there's still so much warmness and kindness in them, it makes Ash feel a bit better.

She wants to thank him, but her energy level is still too low for talking, so she tries to smile at him instead. But even that is impossible because even _thinking_ of smiling leads to another blaze of pain. She only hopes her eyes show how thankful she is.

That's the moment she hears the rumble, she even feels it, and so does Johnny because he turns away from her to look at the theater. Ash turns her eyes to the theater, too, trying to place what that rumble could mean, but somehow her brain is still too slow, because the next thing she knows the theater comes tumbling down.

Johnny falls down on his knees, placing his arm in front of her in some sort of protective gesture and out of instinct, Ash grabs it, grabs it really tightly and holds on to it. A wave of dust hits her and she closes her eyes. It's not as bad as she thought it would be, but that's probably because Johnny took most of the impact.

When the dust clears, he's coughing. Ash opens her eyes to look at him, wants to ask him if he's okay, but the sight before her makes all words leave her. Her jaw drops as she looks at the pile of rubble that had once been the Moon Theater. All strength leaves her, making her hands fall from Johnny's arm which - she realizes just now - she's still been holding on to. Her brain is still too slow processing what has just happened, so she can only watch how Mr. Moon walks into the ruins. She just stands there, looking, and has no idea of what to do next.

She watches Ms. Crawly go after Mr. Moon, she watches how he kneels down and picks up something from the rubble.

And her brain kicks back in.

 _My guitar!_ she thinks as she runs over to the pile of rubble as fast as her hurting head allows it. _It has to be somewhere! No, no, no, I can't leave it here!_

She starts looking around the rubble, moving a little piece here and there, but given the fact that she left her guitar in her rehearsal room, it could be anywhere right now. Maybe it's even broken.

No, Ash doesn't want to think of that. She put it back into its case, so it should be fine, right?

She starts searching a little more frantically. It has to be here somewhere!

If Moon can find some stupid bucket - she saw what it was when she ran past him - she can find her guitar! Period!

She keeps looking and looking, moving farther into the ruins. _No, please! Please!_

"Ash…," a gentle voice addresses her, and she is so not in the mood for gentle right now!

"Not now, Johnny!" she replies, not even looking up from the rubble.

"Ash," he says again, but she decides not to react and keeps up her search.

"Ash!" he says more loudly, a little more urgent.

Ash lets out a groan, turning to him.

"Johnny, I said-" The rest of the sentence gets stuck in her throat as she realizes that Johnny holds up a guitar case. _Her_ guitar case. She takes in a deep breath and rushes over to him.

Carefully, Johnny hands her the guitar case, and Ash looks at it with wide eyes, then at Johnny who is smiling at her.

"How did you…," she begins, but breaks off.

"Ah, it doesn't matter!" she calls out before she grabs Johnny's arm and wraps her arms around it. She wanted to hug him, but given their size difference she has to make do. Her only other option would have been hugging his legs and that seemed a bit, well, weird.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Ash says over and over again, burying her face in the leather of his jacket.

"It's fine, Ash," Johnny replies, but something in his voice seems a little off, and Ash starts to think that maybe this sort-of-hug makes him feel a bit uncomfortable, so she lets go of him, but not without giving him another smile.

She then places the guitar case on the ground. She needs to check if her guitar is alright. Opening the case, her eyes fall on her regular clothes.

Oh yes, she remembers now. She put them in there. She doesn't even know why. Maybe she wanted her guitar not to feel lonely when she had to go on stage wearing that stupid dress. It's still a mystery to her how she managed to stuff her boots in there, though, but here they are.

Somehow, this makes her feel better. If she can find a place where she can change into her regular clothes, she doesn't have to go home wearing this ridiculous outfit she's wearing right now.

Thinking about her options, she remembers something. Johnny arrived at the theater for rehearsals in a truck a few days ago. Maybe she can get changed in there if she asks nicely. And she doesn't have to strip down completely, anyway. She's wearing her regular panties. At least Moon didn't change them for some colorful, glittering thong. But now that she thinks of it, that would have been inappropriate anyway.

"Hey, can I ask you for a favor?" she asks.

* * *

Being so small sometimes has its advantages. Today it is that she can use a truck as a changing booth. Still, Johnny insisted on standing guard at the passenger door. Ash looks up. His back is blocking the sight out of the car from the window, meaning that no one can look inside.

With an amused shake of her head, Ash pulls her shirt into order. There, she's back to normal now.

She's stuffed the awful dress into her guitar case. She could just as well have left it here. It's not like anyone would have realized, but somehow, that doesn't feel right. She has no idea what she is going to do with that dress now, but she can think of that once she's home.

For a moment she thinks of climbing out of the truck through the driver's door, but decides against it. Instead, she raises a hand and knocks on the glass.

Johnny jumps a little, but doesn't turn around.

"Johnny, I'm finished," she tells him.

"Ya sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," she replies.

"Okay." Johnny steps to the side and opens the door for her in the process.

"Thanks," she says with a smile as she jumps down on the sidewalk.

"You're welcome," Johnny replies.

"D-do ya need a ride?" he asks.

Ash's eyes widen at his offer. First, he helped her up, even tried to block her from the dust, then he found her guitar, then he allowed her to use his truck as a changing booth and now he even offers to drive her home? Isn't that a little too much? Sure, she's realized a long time ago that Johnny is kind and nice, but she doesn't want to take advantage of this.

So she replies, "Thanks for the offer, but I'd prefer to walk. I need to … think a bit, sort things out, you know."

Johnny nods. "Totally understand."

A few moments pass in silence and Ash wonders if she should say anything. She doesn't understand why Johnny doesn't simply climb inside his truck and drives off, but there he is, still looking at her.

"Well, uhm, bye!" she says.

Johnny flinches a little at her words. "Oh yeah, sure, bye!" And with that, he pushes the passenger door closed, walks around the truck and climbs in through the driver's door.

Ash can't help but notice that his motions are a little too quick, a little hectic somehow.

 _Wait, am I making him nervous?_ she wonders, but pushes the thought away almost immediately, because that can't be right, can it?

She watches Johnny drive off before she sets into motion herself. Truth be told, she isn't in the mood for thinking, let alone walking home where she'll only find an empty apartment again. But she turned down Johnny's offer so she has to walk now. She doesn't have to like it, but she has to do it.

She's only managed a few steps before the full impact of what has happened hits her.

 _You could have died today!_

It sends a cold shiver down her spine. She tries to comfort herself with the fact that she's still here, alive, breathing, but that doesn't really work. It only leads to a question she doesn't want to think.

 _What for?_ The competition was fake, the prize money was fake, all her chances of winning one hundred thousand dollars were fake.

Maybe even Mr. Moon's reaction to her song was fake, although she somehow doubts it. But it's possible that there's only her pride speaking. Well, the little bit of pride she still has left.

She keeps walking, though, and when she walks past the bar where she and Lance auditioned at a week ago, she looks inside. She doesn't know why. Curiosity? Reflex? Foreboding? She couldn't care less, because what she sees inside makes her stop, her eyes wide with surprise. There they are, Lance and Becky, performing on stage. They look so happy, and what's even worse, the animals at the bar seem to like their performance.

Ash feels a pang in her heart. She manages to draw her eyes away and just runs the rest of her way to her apartment. It's a long run and she arrives totally exhausted and panting for air. She can't open the door quickly enough, and once inside, she lets her guitar case fall to the floor. She leans her back against the closed door, trying to catch her breath. The good thing about the running was that she somehow managed to outrun her thoughts. But now they hit her with full force.

She and Lance didn't get that gig at the bar! They didn't get many gigs at all! And he starts performing with Becky and two days later he has a gig there? How is that even possible!?

She feels the tears well up in her eyes. All this time she tried to tell herself that Lance was holding them back, that it was all his fault that they didn't get many gigs and that she had just been too blind to see the truth. Well, she had been blind, that's for sure. But the truth her brain had made up for her, that convenient truth that it was all Lance's fault, that obviously wasn't the truth. No, the truth is that it was her and her alone! _She_ was the one holding them back! It was all _her_ fault!

Rosita's words come back to her, that she is way better off without him.

 _No, Rosita, you're wrong,_ Ash thinks. _He's way better off without me!_

Ash can't hold back the tears any longer, so she buries her face in her hands and cries.


End file.
